The train wreck that is the show Catfish is exactly that in you cannot look away. I was late to the Catfish party, not watching the movie until right before the premiere of the TV show. And for the record, this is the only show I watch on MTV, in light of the truth that I’m too old to be an MTV devotee.

The movie was an interesting perspective on the digital age of communication and relationships. It was both sad and eventually insightful. Nev truly seems to be a guy that is genuine. His story was mostly believable, making many think it could easily happen to them.

However, the show is about less genuine people in the fact they are in serious denial. It’s suspect to me how these people develop such close relationships, often confessing their love, without ever meeting. The relationship is built on texting, email and phone calls; not on touch or looking one another in the eye. I get that a lot of the relationships are spawned from loneliness. I certainly have been lonely. It’s a desperate feeling. Lucky for me, I am blessed with some amazing people and animals in my life!

And I have, of course, met guys online. But it never went longer than a few weeks without meeting. I wasn’t looking for a pen pal and I consider Ft Mill long distance so I’m not interested in a cyber relationship. I have to see someone to know for sure if it could go somewhere. I can usually tell in around five minutes.

I want protest against the wonders of technology and I cannot really say in the end if it allows us to be more or less connected. Maybe the connection is just different. Who can guess what the evolution of communication will look like. I’m someone in love with words and writing. So in a lot of ways I savor the new means of communicating by text rather than by phone. But nothing for me can replace real live interaction. For me it’s the only way to discern if a real spark exists. I may be in the minority on that in an age where most relationships start online. I’m just sure my next relationship is not going to start online. Thus far my only successful online relationship was a guy I met five years ago, dated briefly and ended up having a great friendship with. 😉

So I’ll keep watching Catfish, unable to look away, feeling sad for those that get duped and relieved that it certainly would never be me because if a man wants to earn my adoration he’s going to have to look me in the eye.

Apparently the days of personal space have become extinct. In a world that is over populated, this was inevitable. But seriously people, I need some space!

I still operate in the minority. I say, “Excuse me,” open doors, avoid walking between people and actually allow drivers to merge. I know I’m a unicorn (my term for something so wonderfully amazing, it cannot truly exist).

My experiences with those who have no connotation of the phrase personal phase are varied and regular. Here are two that are two of the worst (best?) examples:

I live in a condo. I have an upstairs neighbor. The night I moved in they had a party that kept me up until 4AM. And the party has yet to cease. At least twice a week I’m awakened in the middle of the night. The parade of people that go in and out of that condo perplexes me so that I’m not sure who actually lives there. I don’t like to complain, but I have. When your actions and lack of respect for anyone begins to impact my life and my sleep (not too mention a terrified puppy dog) then the gloves come off. If you live in close quarters, please respect others. Understand that if your social life is so busy and your house is party central then you should probably be living in a single family house! It’s not just footsteps now and then it’s – what the hell are they doing up there? My girlfriend who was over once actually asked, “Are they bowling?” Who knows, but I need some peace.

The other incident occurred in France while Caron and I were touring the Palace of Versailles. Yes, there were many visitors there that day from many different cultures. I understand that not every culture thinks in terms of personal space because some countries live so close together. We were moving through the palace at the same time as a large Asian party who had no sense of space, absolutely none. I was stepped on, elbowed and pushed out of the way. We actually had bruises on our legs from the mob. Finally, we just hung back long enough to let them pass.

So I stand by my rule on personal space. If I’m ever invading someone’s personal space, it’s by invitation. And if you are in mine then don’t be surprised if I have a remark or two. I’m educating the masses. Because we all want our own little space in the world even if it’s just a six inch circle around us.

I have something to celebrate. And thus far this year, I have had several celebratory moments: landed an amazing new job and jetted off to Europe! But this is special, five years in the making. Five years ago was my last recurrence of cancer. Five years is the longest amount of time I have gone without a recurrence. I can’t say I’m cancer free because I’m not; it lingers in my lymph nodes. But five years is a milestone. And I’m grateful for this time that life has allowed me without the fear of surgery. Although, I am out of organs that I can live without. 

I thought it the perfect post to resurrect my blog, which apparently doesn’t even exist anymore so I had to start over. But I know a lot about starting over. I am just glad to be writing again. Without it I surely do not breathe as well.

Five years has elapsed since my confrontation with mortality. Of course, maybe we all face this daily. Every little thing that could change in those five years has. But I’m glad to be in this skin; hopeful for every day; sad and happy intermittently; and I still have much to do, many more sunsets to see and stories to write.

So I am proof, real proof, that you can lose everything, have everything you think you want, think you have nothing and realize that everything can change. 

Thank you to everyone who made these last five years possible – my doctors, my friends, my Honey, my Ellie. 

I am finally breathing steadily again, and my life is still very believable.