I have no idea what I’ve agreed to the past few years. If you’ve whispered something to me, or we’ve been somewhere with a lot of background noise, there’s a 97% chance that I didn’t hear you. And while I will say pardon or what was that to clarify; twice is my limit. Then I just nod. It’s embarrassing and isolating. It makes me feel old and broken.

But I finally went to the ear doctor. I’m facing up to the fact that not hearing is impacting my life. I can easily turn on closed captioning on TV. But that doesn’t exist in the real world. And my lip reading skills aren’t great.

So, I took a hearing test. And failed hard. I already knew that I had some hearing damage. But to be told it’s significant in both ears is not the best news. On top of not being able to hear, I have regular ear pain and vertigo. There’s constant popping and ringing as well. My ears rank the lowest of any of my existing organs. The type of hearing loss I have is nerve damage. It’s not reversible and will only continue to worsen.

I go to the doctor quite a bit. So a diagnosis that’s not what I hoped for isn’t new. At least they don’t make you get on the scale.

So, yes I need a hearing aid, or rather two. But I also may have other ear issues. I’ll be having more tests on the inner ear to see if there’s a problem. Because apparently, my ears look excellent. “Best ears I’ve seen today,” the doctor said. But it’s only 10 AM so not sure this will stand. Also, lots of love to all the medical professionals I saw that kept telling me I’m so young.

Then I get the pleasure of discussing hearing aids. I shouldn’t be embarrassed. Not hearing means I’m missing out on life experiences. I’m more concerned about that. Besides, they are so small, they’re very hard to see.

I will just choose to embrace and accept the fact I have hearing loss. I’ve faced much worse diagnoses than this. I’ve been sliced and diced so what can be so bad about a little wire in my ear.

I’ll just consider this another one of my superpowers (if you do didn’t know I have a super palette aka as I’m picky), and I’ll have bionic ears.

Next week, I’ll return to choose the right device. It will depend somewhat on my insurance. Because hearing aids aren’t cheap. The new models even connect to your iPhone. They are just another tiny computer.

Hopefully I’ll be back in the land of the hearing soon. I’ll be sure to keep you posted.