Category Archives: Writing

22 Things You Didn’t Know About Me

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As a professional introvert, it takes time to get to know me. However, if you read my blog then you’re on the express path since I’m more apt to share my stories here than at a party or social outing. Lucky for you I’ve got lots more to share! I was just thinking the other day about random things that are important to me and what makes up someone’s character. So here’s a quick list of some possibly insightful, possibly funny tidbits. You’ll leave with something, maybe even some giggles.

1.      I’ve been to the Olympics. I was in Sydney during the 2000 games. I went to the women’s soccer gold medal match; the U.S. lost. I also met a German man who had just won a silver medal in weightlifting. He let us all try it on.

2.      I am not scared of spiders. I will often transplant them back outside if possible. They are good to have around, mainly because they eat mosquitoes.

3.      I take care of my skin. I’ve been getting facials and treatments for about 15 years. More importantly, I stay out of the sun; after all, I am transparent. I always wear sunscreen and haven’t had a burn in over a decade. Please take care of your skin; not just for vanity. It’s the largest and often most abused organ.

4.      I rarely wear lipstick. People ask me a lot about what kind of lip product I use. It’s chapstick. I am no makeup expert so I usually don’t wear lipstick or lip gloss unless I have a professional doing it.

5.      I will never hate or look down on someone because they are different than me; rather that be because of race, gender, religion, sexuality, education or socio-economic differences. I choose to live my life embracing the differences of everyone and believing everyone is human and deserves to be treated as such.

6.      My mom had lots of nicknames for me. She called me Buffy mostly, which many of my friends who I’ve known my whole life still call me. She also used to call me Trixie. I’ve never really had a nickname as an adult. It’s just Beth. But on that note, I have never gone by Elizabeth. If someone called me that, I usually don’t respond because I don’t think they are talking to me.

7.      I do judge people by their movie choices. Don’t tell me a movie from 20 years ago is a classic. I will stop talking to you forever.

8.      If I could have lunch with three people, I’d choose my mom, Sara Bareilles and Jennifer Weiner.

9.      I have horrible motion sickness. I’ve gotten sick on every type of transpiration available: car, plane, boat and train.

10. My favorite place is Paris. If I had the option, I’d live there.

11. I love learning. I’d be a professional student if that were possible. I’d love to go to law school and get a Ph.D. in marketing.

12. The first real concert I went to (because I refuse to count NKOTB) was Pink Floyd. Since then I’ve seen basically every group I love, including the Rolling Stones, Grateful Dead (before Jerry died), Fleetwood Mac (multiple times), Aerosmith, the Eagles (multiple times), The Killers, The Who, U2, Dave Matthews Band (about 30 times), Heart, Def Leopard, One Republic, O.A.R., Sara Bareilles (multiple times) and many more big and small artists. My only regret is not seeing Prince before he passed. Music has informed a lot of my life. I have always found it very healing and a catalyst for creativity. I am, however, not musically inclined myself. My brief foray into piano lasted not very long. But almost every guy I’ve ever dated or been in a relationship with has been a musician or had musical talents.

13. My belly button is crooked. It wasn’t always but after three surgeries it’s kind of lopsided. It use to bother me; not so much anymore.

14. I use to love scary movies. Now, not so much. I like the idea of them and watching the trailer. But now I’m a big wuss. I still have nightmares about the scariest movie I ever saw, which will remain nameless so I don’t start thinking about it (too late, I’m SCARED!).

15. I am not a good bike rider. It’s been a while. I’m not so sure it’s like “getting back on a bike” easy. I should really address this. I’m missing out. It’s totally embarrassing.

16. I’ve never broken a bone, which is amazing, because I fall a lot. I wouldn’t say I’m a klutz. I have just taken many tumbles in my day, so many which often included stairs. These bones must be like Wolverine grade.

17. My most prized possessions are:

·         Postcards my mom sent me when she was in Europe

·         The Pink Lady figurine that was my Granny Helen’s

·         Some amazing shoes I bought in Paris

·         A pink painted plate that was my Granny Faye’s

·         A bracelet Justin gave me

18.  I am a Pisces. I am no Astrology expert nor do I read my horoscope. I will say that almost every other Pisces I’ve ever met, I’ve gotten along with wonderfully. We immediately hit it off and had lots in common before finding out of our shared sign.

19. This makes the most upset: People who don’t spay and neuter their animals. Or those that chain dogs up and call that a life. Also, please adopt don’t shop.

20. My favorite sounds in the world are the sweet moan that Honey makes just for me and Justin’s voice – it’s so calming.

21. My first crush was J.R. Ewing (Larry Hagman). I cried for an hour when he died. Dallas was my favorite TV show ever. I remember watching it with my mom. I was probably too young, but I’m glad she let me watch it. I’m going to the real Southfork this fall when we go to Dallas.

22.  I’ve kept every journal I’ve ever had since I was very young. There’s some interesting stuff in there. I’d tell my younger self to lighten up a bit, and enjoy the moment.

I Don’t Have a Five Year Plan

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I’ve always had a plan. I am a planner. Not to say I’m not up for spontaneity, but you won’t find me waiting for a table on a Saturday night because I’d have a reservation.

I’ve always wanted to be in control of my future. Planning seemed the logical path. However, most of my plans have required revision and rerouting. It’s important to be flexible. Not everything can be planned for in life.

I was an ambitious planner in my teens and 20s. I had a vision. I knew what I wanted. I did everything I could to get there. I had lots I needed to check off my list. My young self never got tired (even migraines rarely slowed me). I was emphatic about what and who I was going to be: happy, successful, something.

I finished my second novel at 25. And was busy planning for more. I was submitting poetry and fiction to journals weekly. I was writing pitch letters to agents, researching everything I needed to do to get noticed and basically doing everything to say I’m a writer!

This was early 2000s. Online journals were fairly new. Pitch letters were mailed. Social media hadn’t really become a thing. Back then self publishing was not what you did as a serious writer. So for years, I was planning and working every day. I stayed convinced I could be something. I paid little attention to my own world; wrapped up instead in the worlds I had created.

Perseverance would get me noticed I thought. But it didn’t. There were small victories: short stories and poems were published. A few agents actually wrote me back. So I kept pushing until I had to walk away. Had to find a new plan and tame that dream.

By this time writing was my job. I realized that in marketing I could get paid for writing; it just wasn’t going to be my story to tell. So I rechanneled my energy. I could be a success in marketing. So I went to grad school. Worked all day and went to class at night. Those were long days, but it kept me busy. I needed to be busy. And needed to believe this plan would work. I would shape brands and make the money I deserved. Ambition suited me well; always has.

After grad school, I got a new job with unlimited possibilities. I threw myself into building this brand and increasing business. Work became all I was. My personal life was in shambles so I needed the diversion. Most weeks I worked 60 hours. There was no boundary between life and work. I answered emails late at night and calls on Saturday mornings. Because in my plan if I just worked harder and longer then I’d get where I needed to go. WRONG.

Life’s not fair. Rewards rarely come for the ones always there doing what they say they’re going to do. People will use you, manipulate you and disappoint you. I was burning out when another offer came my way. This opportunity had more structure and a chance to build a marketing team. It seemed like a win. I still had so much drive; so much I wanted to offer.

I did a lot in my time there. But there were still long hours and lots of miles traveled. What was worse was the wall of frustration. I couldn’t get excited about a project because I knew like the 100 before, it would go nowhere. When you don’t allow people to succeed and shine, you dim their passion. When passion is extinguished there’s no resuscitating it. So I had to go leading me to where I am now.

Which is me not really having a plan. I mean I do have a broad picture in mind. And I still keep lots of running lists of what I need to do to further myself. I’m not always motivated. I’m not always my own cheerleader. I could do more.

My plan looks different now. It’s not about money or status or titles. Success looks a little different now. I want to be excited every day about what I’m doing. It’s about loving writing again and not looking at it as a chore.

What will I do without that five year plan that every guru tells me I need? I’m just going to be a rebel. Look, I had plans. They didn’t work out. I waited patiently for that big break, for someone to tell me I was talented. I’m still waiting. Waiting for that one post to go viral or for one publisher to think I’ve got what it takes.

Yet I still feel like a failure 93% of the time. I still worry every day I haven’t lived up to my potential. I’m still haunted by things I should have done differently. I think these things, but there’s nothing I can do to change the past. Maybe I wasn’t ready for success earlier. Maybe my voice has to get stronger.

So what do I do? Keep writing. Keep posting. Keep believing that if it’s good stuff people will read it. I once heard that dreams can’t become more than that while you’re still sleeping. I’m awake now. Wide awake.

Summer Book Review

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If reading were an Olympic sport, I’d be on my way to gold this summer. I am beyond fascinated with books. I prefer them to most TV and movies. I think because I have such a vivid imagination. I like to imagine the characters in my mind. It’s often why I refuse to watch adaptations of stories I’ve loved. I do lean toward fiction, specifically literary and women’s fiction. I rarely read mass fiction or genres like mystery or science fiction – that’s just not my thing. I also love biographies and true crime.

I fell in love with reading early. My mom and grandmother were both voracious readers. I even used to read encyclopedias and dictionaries! I moved quickly from simple books to chapter books. I read a lot of stuff that probably wasn’t suitable for a kid, but I don’t think it corrupted me.

No one ever had to make me read, whether for English class or fun. I even liked the ones others grumbled about like A Tale of Two Cities or anything Shakespeare. Sometimes it wasn’t so easy to understand because we don’t really talk like that anymore, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

So as I said I’ve been burning through books this summer. I haven’t been to the beach or on holiday, but it’s been my escape from the heat. Here’s a quick review of my summer reads.

The Vegas Diaries – Holly Madison
She’s the former playmate who made her debut into fame on reality TV, but she ditched the mansion and headed to find herself in Vegas. I really liked Holly’s first book, which focused on her time at the mansion so I gave her second book a try. Holly has a really clear voice in this book; maybe more so than the first. There are certainly some funny stories, but what I loved the most was how she wove in Vegas history throughout the book. I could tell that the history of a place is important to her. I highly recommend both her books.

The Weekenders – Mary Kay Andrews
This is the first book I’ve read by this author, but she has been a bestseller for quite some time. It’s definitely a beach read. It is actually set in NC so I appreciated that. It’s a bit of mystery meets chick lit. It was somewhat predictable. Most of the characters were either not very developed or were straight from a recipe of how this type of person should be. I was more interested in the main character’s best friend, but she was just the sidekick role. Sometimes we don’t want to work too hard to be entertained so if you don’t this is a good book.

Crazy Rich Asians – Kevin Kwan
This is probably one of my all time favorites! A young professor accompanies her boyfriend for a summer vacation back to his home country of Singapore; only to find out he’s crazy rich. I had little exposure to Singapore or Asian culture before reading this, and I learned a lot while also being entertained. The characters are well drawn; the dialogue is spot on and the descriptions beautifully done. It’s a massive book, but so good, I finished in a weekend. The author grew up in Singapore so it’s truly authentic. This is the first in a series. Will be reading the next one as well. You must read this book!

We Could Be Beautiful – Swan Huntley
This is a debut novel. I read some good reviews so I gave it a shot. It features the ultra rich of NYC centering around a woman who lives off a trust, is unlucky in love and has a mother suffering from dementia. I was pretty turned off by the protagonist. She wasn’t someone I could with whom I could relate. I will say that in any good book, you don’t have to like the characters but be intrigued and interested by them. I was neither. But I’m a sucker for a twist. However, finding out who her new suitor really is wasn’t hard. I did finish the book. The ending tries to tie up everything nicely without making sense. It’s billed as a psychological thriller. I would say it’s more melodrama.

The Last One – Alexandra Oliva
The book starts with a survival reality show then something goes wrong. Something has happened in the outside world, but the main character isn’t sure if it’s real or not. This was a great read. Suspenseful but very character driven. The protagonist was richly developed, and I really empathized with her. I won’t give any more away, but I will say it ends on a bright note.

Truly Madly Guilty – Liane Moriarty
This is from the author of The Husband’s Secret and Big Little Lies, both of which were great books. The author is Australian and the story is set in Sydney and its suburbs. Three families are having a barbecue on a Sunday afternoon when something happens. You don’t know what that something is until about 300 pages in, but the back story and the development of the characters is worth it. What the characters do and how they react makes sense because you feel like you know them. This was probably my least favorite of the three books I have read, but the characters were real and flawed. It certainly made me think of the consequences of even the smallest mistakes.

Dark Matter – Blake Crouch
I first began familiar with this author when I watched the Wayward Pines last summer. I loved the show and thought I’d check out the books, too. I only read the first one in the trilogy. I preferred the TV show to the book. The book seemed to go on and on during this one scene where the protagonist is trying to make it up a mountain. Anyway, I decided I’d give him another try with his new novel. And I’m glad I did. This book was a definite improvement. It has tones of science fiction, but it is much more than that. The characters are the heart of the book. Also, the big ideas of quantum physics are explained simply so even an English major could understand! The story centers around a college professor who thinks about what his life would have been like had he not married and had a family. What were the other choices that he could have made? What if there are infinite worlds out there with many versions of ourselves that are different simply because of the choices we have made. This book was really well done. Highly recommend.

I also reread 1984 by George Orwell, which seemed fitting in these times. It’s a classic for a reason. Haven’t picked my next book yet. Thinking about non-fiction. I’m anxiously awaiting the publishing of one of my favorite authors Jennifer Weiner’s new book, Hungry Heart, which is a collection of essays. Have any suggestions? Would love to hear what your summer read was.

Happy reading!

Bad Grammar & Monobrows: Both Should Be Avoided

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As a writer, I read a lot; lots of posts, blogs and articles every day, mainly about marketing and business but also pop culture. I also typically read a book a week. Reading informs me, inspires me and makes me a better writer. I would say about one-third of what I read every day is really well written. The other, although it may have some good ideas, lacks a clear voice and often is too long and uses language that is harder to digest for the masses. I am a big supporter of having a large vocabulary and using it to be expressive; however, most content should be super simple to understand (as in dictionary not required) and should be 500 words or less. Brevity is a beautiful thing.

But I think what breaks my heart as a lover of words and writing is to see grammatical errors and typos. For me, it just rips away any authority you built; I can’t take you seriously, especially if you are by profession a writer, communicator or marketer. Now, I’m not saying I’m immune to such errors. I’ve certainly published things with errors. But I caught them eventually or someone else did (big shout out to my SO for finding an error in one of my posts from last week. He has excellent grammar and he’s super cute – lucky me!). But when I read your articles and posts (some published by major websites or magazines), and find errors, my brain kind of shuts down. Yes, I continue reading, but I’m turned off.

We all have things that bother us or turn us off. In addition to being repelled by bad grammar, I also can’t handle bad eyebrows or a monobrow. I’m sorry, but these traits among a few others make me discount someone as a person slightly. I’m not saying it’s right; it’s just my reaction.

So when I read well researched articles moving toward some interesting insight then come upon apostrophes used incorrectly or incorrect usage of punctuation with quotation marks, I have to question how much care you put into your writing. When I see a post littered with typos, I know you didn’t take the time to proof it. So why should I take the time to read it?

I just want writers to take as much care reviewing the work as they do when they initially write it. Don’t be in such a rush to post that you overlook this key step. If you are a professional writer, meaning you actually get paid to write, and still commit these sins then my concern is even greater. For those of you who aren’t professionals, here are some tips:

1. Have someone else proofread your work. Don’t know anyone? Send it to me.

2. If you are unsure about the correct use of a term or what is grammatically correct, Google it.

3. Unsure if your piece is clear and readable? Try the Hemingway App. It will help you edit, call to your attention when sentences are hard to read and prevent you from using passive voice.

4. Use spell check. Seems simple enough; yet so many do not.

5. Read it out loud. I try to do this with everything I write. It helps me self-edit as well as catch areas where I may have missed a word.

In this world, everyone can be a writer. Everyone can be published. Should everyone? Probably not, but I’m not going tell someone they shouldn’t do something. That’s not my place. Writing can be very cathartic. It can help people express what they can’t say. I’m all for this and for celebrating good ideas. I just encourage all writers to remember that the finished product should be something that should resonate with your audience. Errors detract from your message. Keep your readers interested with a wonderful use of words, snappy syntax and great storytelling. Leave the errors in the drafts, and please don’t ever be the victim of a monobrow.

 

 

I Write Every Day

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I’ve been lucky enough to have been able to take my skill and gift and turn it into a career. Yet, most of the writing that I’ve been doing for the last few years hasn’t exactly given me fulfillment. So I’ve decided to do something about that, and that’s why I’m here right now, trying to get myself to a place where writing is fun again.

When I say I’m a writer, which is typically how I identify myself both professionally and personally, I don’t mean that my degrees or experience have made me one. I came this way out of the womb. I’ve often said that writing is not necessarily something you can teach. Although, it seems to be a major part of most curriculum. You can teach someone how to write an essay or research paper with a formula. But a real ability to understand how to craft a voice, the rhythm of words and the infamous “showing not telling,” I believe is something that is a raw talent. That talent can be shaped and nurtured. Thankfully mine was.

I wrote my first story when I was five. It’s interesting to me that many of my first short stories were about ghosts or mysteries, sometimes leaning a little dark for my age. But it was what I was interested in at the time and also probably a reflection of what was going on in my childhood.

I didn’t just write these stories. I loved to read them out loud. Sometimes I’d even tell stories on the fly; making it up as I went along. I suppose I had a very healthy imagination.

And lucky for me, I had a very encouraging mother. One who also happened to be an English teacher. It wasn’t enough to have a voice or think of a neat twist to the story. Grammar, syntax and structure were also equally important. She guided me from this perspective so that my ideas blossomed into well written stories.

She also gave me a love for reading. There were very few times in my life that I remember my mom not having a book on her nightstand. She read everything from fiction to biographies. And she let me read her books (not when I was five, but not too long after). She let me experience beautiful writing like Joyce Carol Oates, Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald and many more. I read “Gone with the Wind,” “Jane Eyre” and “Old Man and the Sea” at a relatively young age, yet I understood most of the concepts. More importantly, I understood this was real writing – this was what I wanted to do.

As I aged, the books became more complex and more adult, as did my writing. I started focusing a lot on poetry in middle school (okay a lot of it was about unrequited love), but I have some of those poems still. And they aren’t that bad.

As teenager, I really started to develop my voice. Much more of my writing became personal and introspective. My life was changing; everything was slipping out of my control. I needed an outlet. Writing saved me. And it helped me achieve, as I started to win writing contests and get published.

So I went to college and took many creative writing classes. My professors were easy with both compliments and criticism. I struggled to find focus – what did I want to write about? What was I going to do with this degree in English?

I graduated and was unsure. My life was at a critical juncture. Should I go to law school (that’s what my mom wanted, and of course it was so important to me that she be proud)? Should I try to get a job writing? What kind of jobs were those anyway?

My first job out of college was actually in the legal field as a litigation assistant. I thought I’d figure out if I did really want to law school. It was a great job for many reasons – great mentors, lots of life lessons and the creation of really thick skin (when plaintiff attorneys cuss you out and tell you that you are ruining peoples’ lives, it’s best not to take it personal).

But I wasn’t giving up on writing. I was happily becoming published on new online journals. I finished my first novel at 23; the second one by 25. And for many, many years, I tried to get a literary agent. The rejections mounted. I started on the third novel. Then being a novelist didn’t seem like something that was going to happen. So I took another road and got my MBA in marketing.

So yes, I do write every day. I’ve written about everything from country clubs to data governance. No matter the subject, I still try to remain true to a voice and an objective to keep it simple and interesting.

But I’m back to believing that I can still do this. I can still one day see my books published and in book stores. I’m dusting off that third manuscript and developing a memoir about my life.

I’ve still got a lot of stories to tell. And I hope that you’ll want to listen.